I know that I have so many people out there praying for me and checking on me, I thought I'd give you an update. Last week was very hard. I just couldn't quiet by head between patients and cried a lot while driving. I guess because it was the one month mark. I think also the initial numbness was wearing off, and it was all just becoming so permanent.
But this week is much better. I haven't cried much and my mind is quieter. I've been able to talk to a few people about Caleb without crying. Our new "normal" is becoming a little bit more normal. I still think of Caleb constantly, but the grief is less intense. I really suffered with a lot of guilt and "what if I had just" thoughts. That is still there, but not as debilitating as it was the first few weeks. The actions, or lack of actions, the night before will probably be painful forever. To some extent, it still does not feel real. But I know that it will all continue to get easier with time.
Thank you all again - for all the love, sweet words, gifts, cards, thoughts, and prayers. We love you all! We are so glad that you were a part of Caleb's life and will continue to be a part of ours as God continues to lead us down this unforeseen path.
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