Did You Know how Much I Loved You?

This night has been incredibly difficult. It feels like when we first found out. Caleb Zwiernikowski did you know how much I loved you? Did you really know? I told you I loved you unconditionally, I meant it. Caleb, you have shaken my confidence as a parent to the core. I thought I was doing right by you. Respecting your goals and dreams even when I did not like it. Did I give you to much leash to quickly?

Forgive me son. As i work to forgive myself. I have your brothers and your mom to take care of. To shepherd and guide them through this horrible mess you left behind. I love you, Caleb. I don't really care about me but can you get with Jesus and make sure your brothers are OK? They seem OK. Only God really knows. Make sure you... I do not believe that you have any more special connection to God than I do. But it never hurts to put in a good word.

I honestly don't believe you are looking over us. It is not what the Bible says. God has his angels for that. However, I know that I know your soul is at rest with God and those who have gone before you. I love you, bud. May God give me the strength to love our family the way He loves each one of his children. I miss you. I love you unconditionally. But boy are you testing me on that last one! I feel better now. I just saw your smile. I loved our humor. You, me and Levi. I was looking forward to bringing Joseph into our "inappropriate joke and comments club." I think Joseph will bring an air of intelligence and sophistication. And you are going to miss it. Good night Caleb. For me, not you. You are pulling a permanent all niter!