God will heal my heart one day. Slowly, it will happen. And I will stop playing back every time I let him down or just outright hurt him. I was not the perfect father. But he is now with the one who is.
I am so sorry Caleb. I know that I hurt you in private but this is my public apology to you. This is not me having a pity party. This is me on my healing journey. Acknowledging, validating Caleb's perspective. I know he loved me in spite of my failures. But I feel the need to shout everything I feel. And not only the stuff I am proud of, but of my mistakes as well. And my vow to be better. I will take the shame that was meant to destroy me and I will turn that shame into motivation to be more like my heavenly father. I love you and I know you love me.
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